I dont know why but i keep having this impulse to write. I have too much on my mind, so much to say, too too damn much im thinking about.
For starters i am 20. A duh! But i feel like i should be in the process of settling down. I feel like I should have and idea of who i am going to marry or at least some prospects and that is just not the situation. What am i to do. Well the first thing i am doing is relaxing. I know from observing other people that if i go around actively searching for a mate all I am going to find is a jerk, an opportunist, or someone who seems perfect but is a raving lunatic, cheater or an abuser underneath. So, we will see what that ends up as.
Then another thing is this college thing. I mean, i know that education is supposed to be the "key to success" but the doors seem to be bolted shut to me! I mean, i try and try in school and i am definetly not getting straight A's. But that is neither here nor there. I feel as though my education is going to come from experience and interacting with people. The books might be a stepping stone but it is really clear to me that it is not my way. call me crazy if u will...but i know what is working for me and this isnt. I know it is what i have to do right now, so of course, i will give it my best...but that realization makes me not want to waste my time...