k. Well, sometimes I have to be myself. ANd now i feel this is just the annoying part of me coming out. I have been all yesterday feeling a lil anxiety in regards to me and kks relationship. I had heard something the other day, i think on the radio. a guy said "if u dont know his friends, you are not his girlfriend." I know his friends at school but not the ones at home. That coupled with a stupid comment he made the other day set my thoughts into overdrive. I have just been thinking of how it would be if/when he gets tired of me. I mean when he doesnt feel what i feel anymore. The last two times i was on the phone with him it was like, ackward silence, no real conversation, and he was basically like, i dont feel like talking to you right now and ill holla at you later. later never really came. I saw him on sunday but even still it felt a little funny. I initiated contact and he didnt even kiss me when i got there. I knw the dynamics of our relationship would change whne i didnt see him everyday but is somebody else taking my place? I have a bad itch that I am gonna get a rude surprise soon. I dont know if I am ready for it because...
At the same time those hints of depression i had before are rearing their ugly heads again. I just feel afraid all the time. Discontent. Sick. Just bad. Even sitting here writing this my eyes are full of tears and nothing is wrong. And this time it feels worse than ever because i feel it oozing out of my skin. I thought my shopping thing and food thing was funny at first. But yesterday i called KK and he didnt answer and i immediately wanted to go to wendys as I was hanging up the phone. Right after I realized what just happened. How i was ready to eat something just because my boyfriend didnt answer the phone (Even though he always answers even when he is at the movies or asleep, the only time he doesnt answer is if he is in class). I feel cold inside.