Well christmas wents as expected with a few twist. as expected i got nothing. i gave everyone that lives in my house something and my mother gave me $50 a couple days ago, thats not much to me but i know she doesnt have much and i ended up spending all the money on other people. I am not upset though because i truly feel the spirit of giving but sometimes you just want wish someone will care in return or at least appreciate what you got them enough to say thank you.
But anyway, what ruined my christmas was my "family" and their lack of consideration towards me as a human being. KK told me to stand up to them and stop letting them use me and walk all over me. Well, i think I have going to have to finally do that. Uesterday, i cleaned the entire first and second floor. I had wrapped all the gifts and i ended up putting them under the tree and everything. but i wasnt bothered because i always do that. but i figured since i had cleaned up EVERYTHING there would be nothing to do today and i could relax. WRONG!!!
First of all they had me doing everything under the sun, hair, dishes, hooking up electronics, everything. But that was bad but I still didnt feel completely bad. I was upset though. So i sat on in the family room to watch tv and fell asleep.
We were supposed to have christmas dinner at a family friends house. NExt thing you know i am waking up, my aunt and her family are dressed and leaving. They didnt even bother to wake me up, i have never felt so out of place and unwanted in my life. I truly felt like a maid/slave. I felt terrible.
So I just spent the rest of the night hurt and sitting in front of the tv. Its kinda sad that im used to it. I just wish it could end. i want to become independent and roll out. these feelings are driving me to go good in school and move on in life. i never want to come back. i am not really angry at anyone, but i dont like the position i am in. i dont feel at home but i cant leave.